Arranged IS NOT Forced!

SEEKING the perfect partner can exist in many forms, whether it's through friends, these snazzy new internet dating sites, Facebook singles groups, or even catching someones eye in a supermarket!

When marriage crops up into the equation, how many of you have been asked, "So are you going to have an arranged marriage then?" I'm slightly baffled when people ask me that question to be honest.

I wonder those asking know what an arranged marriage is. Do they think a partner is chosen by your family in which you have no choice over? NO! That's where the definition of an arranged and forced marriage overlaps and blurs. Of course, every family have their own customs, values and traditions and I respect that, but sometimes it's easy to pigeon hole one culture or tradition into one box and leave it at that.

The Crown Prosecution Service defines a forced marriage as: 'A marriage without the consent of one or both parties and where duress is a factor'. On the flip side, an arranged marriage is defined as: 'An arranged marriage is entered into freely by both people, although their families take a leading role in the choice of partner.' BIG DIFFERENCE...

The media; news and television soaps have often covered arranged/forced marriage stories. From the news to Hollyoaks; it's not always as black and white as a single definition. Forced marriage stories range from young girls being taken abroad, being told they were going on a family holiday to visit family and then being married off to a stranger. It's a sad case and there are charities out there who are raising awareness of such horrific cases against males and females. The Home Office website have a detailed sub-section with information for victims and those associated to them such as friends or school teachers. The brutal truth about forced marriages sometimes see the victim being threatened or emotionally blackmailed. In my opinion, this abuse of human rights can not be justified on any religious or cultural basis. Some cultures and traditions die out as generations move on. This is definitely one that should have died out because it only results in heartache, especially when the victims suffer in silence.

The tradition of an arranged marriage has moved on with the times to adapt to todays singletons. These days, it's just a mere introduction to the guy/girl. No-one's forced into anything or put under immense pressure. These introductions can come from family members or family friends who want to play cupid. If the guys/girl's credentials match up, the family background is decent, the guy/girl is educated and working, then why not? The bonus is that both will have the same aim in mind; marriage. From the parents perspective, it's an option which steers away from their son/daughter jumping from relationship to relationship and being strung along in some cases.

Through the initial introduction, exchange of numbers or e-mail addresses, the guy & girl start talking and meeting up, if they're not compatible with each other, then move onto the next one. Simple. The choice is always down to both individuals of whether they want to pursue something further.

I'll refer to my own example of what could have panned out as an arranged marriage shall I? I was introduced to a boy through a family-friend. He was also single, same age, good job etc. So I thought, "Ok, why not, nothing to lose…& plus it could be quite fun/an experience?" So we exchanged e-mail addresses and spoke for a week. Then we decided to meet at a local bar. Oh my gosh, I wish I had stayed at home watching Coronation Street. He was so arrogant, I wanted to run out of the Fire Exit clutching my bag and coat! He interrupted me when I talked, bragged about how he could "buy houses with cash," slated other girls he'd met through these dates and generally just seemed like a deluded guy. How off-putting. I was so happy to finish my glass of coke and get out!

Arranged marriages are the outcome of these 'introductions or dates.' Whether you have had a handful of bad experiences like myself, one of them will be perfect…eventually. THEN you can start to arrange a marriage after a while of getting to know each other. All marriages are arranged though aren't they? No matter what culture you're from.

There was a time when our parents/grand-parents generations had arranged marriages; in which their marriage was initially based on saying, "Yes," to a photo of their potential partner. These days, my Nan/ family member or friend just tells me the name of the guy and to add him on Facebook and get chatting….!